You can't special order awesome
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In other news, I just burned my penis
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize