I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
