Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
