woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize