then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
