Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
