I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
