Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
