I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
