Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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