He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
