you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
