Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
