A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
