you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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