First date: that requires underwear, huh?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
