I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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