I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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