the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
