i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
