Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
