apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's like iHOP with fire
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
