Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
