I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
