I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
