i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
