you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
