i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize