I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize