Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
