He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
