dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
