You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
