My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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