Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
