you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
