So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
