i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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