Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
