theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
