the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
