If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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