In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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