Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
