FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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