i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
