i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i think i just lost a toe
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
