yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
