may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
