My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish my penis had a tongue
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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