he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
