I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
