oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
