I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
