Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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