There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
