I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i dont even know how to be here
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
