You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone came in the potted fern
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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