Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
