Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
