you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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