David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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