I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
