I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
