he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
