okay pat passed out under dana's car
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
