My first STD was from a foam party
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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