Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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