I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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