Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
