At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
