would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
