I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
