So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
