the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
