If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
