So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
