Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize