white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
