I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize