I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
