: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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