Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize