He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I will pee on everything he values.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
