Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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