You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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