he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
