just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
