He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
