I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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