you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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