Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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