yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
