He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
