It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
