Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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