Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
