I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize