It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize