my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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