Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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