youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
