Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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