Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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