so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All the doctor said was why
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
