We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i now understand why vodka
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
