not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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