I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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